Magic Shop

Slow rain falls while the boy walks down the empty street. The street he’s walked many times before. Nothing in this alley has changed for years, except now.

The new shop towers over all other shops. These stores blend in to make one dull, grey blur. Upon that boring blur the new shop sits. Its round, golden exterior and perfectly translucent glass doors welcome the boy in.


As he opens the large, radiant entrance that stands before him a breath of fresh air wafts past. With every careful step he takes a new scent fills his nose. The room is tall and circular with a winding staircase in the middle, reaching as far as the eye can see. Each step is a glistening gold that shines like the sun is beaming down on it.

The walls are coated in what appears to be wallpaper, although the pictures seem to be moving. Peculiar animals bounce around, watching him. Deer-like creatures frolic in luscious green fields while mystical whales swim through the walls. Inspecting these animals, he gently spins around.

Small bottles of colourful liquid float in the air above him. Different shapes. Different sizes. Different colours. Each scent of perfume has their own unique packaging. Glints of light, from the bottles, catch his eye. The distinct perfumes dance above him, like an aurora in the night sky. It’s the only thing he can look at.

These bottles surround the magic staircase, like its a magnet. Screaming for attention, they want him to want them, to buy them.

He starts to ascend the daunting yet comforting flight of stairs. Like Jack’s beanstalk, the staircase spirals upwards, possibly all the way into space.


Once he steps foot onto the gold step it unexpectedly starts to move. The staircase carries him past many bottles of new scents. Scents he’s never smelt before. The first one the staircase shows him is a small round bottle containing a bright blue liquid. As he picks it up the creatures on the wall all stop to watch.

He breathes in, through his nose, fills his lungs to the brim and smells the homely perfume. It’s almost as if he can hear the waves crashing onto the shore. Smell the salty yet sweet scent of the beach. Feel the calm warmth of the summers day. Not only does this perfume smell like the beach it makes him feel as though he’s there. The perfume is a blanket, shielding him from the harsh outside world.

Passing many new scents, the magic staircase continues to carry him up through the fascinating store. Some creatures on the wall have started to follow him along this journey, intrigued by a new customer.

Once he’s sure he’s smelt every perfume, the staircase descends to the bottom. Before he walks out of this fascinating new store he takes one last look, making sure to take it all in. The boy still marvels at the creatures on the wall and the magnificent golden staircase.

2 Comments

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Hi Samara,

Here is some feedback.

You are repeating certain words and sentence starters. Try reading your work out loud to help you catch this.
You are also including some unnecessary information.
Pay careful attention to your spelling, grammar and punctuation.

Good work.

Mr Johnson

Hi Samara,

In addition to the previous feedback:

Watch your tenses. You are switching from past to present tense in your writing. Reading your work aloud will help you spot these moments.
There is some inconsistency in your writing. Reading your work out loud will also help here.
There is still an issue with repetition in your work. Reading aloud will identify this as well.

Mr Johnson

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